Legacy: Timeless Treasures Passed Down to my Children (Part 2)

Happy Sunday! Today’s message in church was entitled: Leaving a Legacy. Our Pastor reminded everyone that we’re all leaving some kind of legacy and it’s either a good or bad one. My thoughts returned to this series, and I’m so thankful of the good legacy I’ve been left to pass on to my children.

This is the second of a three part series narrating my family’s living legacy. I love sharing the timeless treasures I learned from my grandmother, taught my adult children and am currently teaching the last babe at home. Grandma represents four generations of faith. What an incredible testimony! Today I present more sage wisdom from my family’s practical, down-to-earth matriarch. Enjoy her witty, southern twist on city living:

MAINTAIN THY CASTLE

4.  Be ready for visitors. My grandmother really loved having guests! That meant you kept the living and bathrooms tidy and coffee on the stove. We got a jump start on the day by making the bed as soon as we got up. “You see,” she’d say, “that’s one thing done today.” Years later, I would collapse with exhaustion (and relief) into the plumped pillows and cool sheets of my pre-made bed after an endless day of running behind infants and children. Today when my older children visit and make their beds right away I smile and whisper, “one thing done for today!”

5.  Wash, hang, iron…repeat. I didn’t have dirty clothes growing up. Okay that’s a stretch, but my grandmother had a remedy for every stain, rip, or missing button. She fixed them, and taught me how to do it myself. I had church, school, and “play” clothes with shoes, and knew the difference! Nothing was replaced unless I grew. She taught me to do my own laundry, and hang it outside on the clothes line. Times have changed, but I like grandma’s mindset. My children learned to do their laundry and iron in middle school, and mend and tailor their clothes in high school. Their father and I purchased the essentials, but they were responsible for the upkeep until they outgrew their clothing and gave them to younger friends or relatives.

6.  What’s for dinner? Chicken. As a child I never asked, “What’s for dinner?” It was always ready after school, and I ate it! If I became hungry in the evening I had a snack or a piece of fruit. My colleagues find this amusing, but friends and family know the truth: Grandma cooked every day and every day she cooked chicken. While other proteins were available I can say with certainty we ate chicken for dinner 99.9% of the time during my childhood. As a working Mom I treasure the dinner hour with my family, and taught them to make it their priority too. It’s hot and usually ready to be set on the table at 6pm, and no cell phones are allowed. I’m a stickler for serving vegetables, but yes a lot of times it’s chicken!

Stay tuned for the final installment of my grandmother’s lasting legacy!

Blessings,

CED

Photo credit: Four Generations: my grandmother, mother, and daughter with me in North Carolina. 1993. Used with permission.  

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Legacy: Timeless Treasures Passed Down to my Children (Part 1)

Spring’s here! I love how our tiny, green island awakens from cool and windy slumber as the refreshing rains come. It gets warm a little earlier than on mainland Japan, and my beloved cherry blossoms have already bloomed and faded away. Spring brings happy memories of waiting with my Grandmother for the blossoms arrival.  They make their annual presence sometime around Easter in the U.S., and fill the nation’s capital with their pink and white delicate beauty.  Grandmother loved spring and gardening, and passed her passion on to me. We’d talk about so many things working in her garden, and later sitting on the porch admiring our labor. When my children came along I kept the tradition alive as we gardened together, talking and sharing, sweating and laughing. Here are some treasures I learned at my Grandmother’s knee and passed on to my babies:

KNOW THYSELF

1. Apologize (and mean it). Sincere apologies are good for the soul.  No one’s perfect, I’d remind my children when they were frustrated with a friend or classmate. This includes us. When we commit an offense we should quickly say we’re sorry and ask for forgiveness.  “Don’t let your pride get in the way of saying you’re sorry,” Grandma would encourage me.

2. Manners matter most.  The military didn’t teach me to say yes Ma’am/no Sir, please, thank you and you’re welcome. I learned at home and taught my children early on. Recently a young man held the elevator for me, and in relief I greeted him, “Good morning Sir, and thank you so much!” Visibly shocked he mumbled no big deal. When we reached his floor I called out have a great day. He turned around, smiled and replied you too Ma’am! “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar,” Grandma would say. That’s a southern way of saying “bee” kind!

3. Have a genuine, personal relationship with God. I’ve always been fascinated by behavior, but not many adults wanted to be scrutinized by a quiet, little person. Grandma didn’t mind as I watched her cook, clean and garden. She had these daytime conversations with God, sang songs from church and prayed for family, her friends or people I didn’t know!  God was important to her, and she loved spending time with him. Each day began and ended the same, on bended knee at her bedside. Long after she was crippled with arthritis and the pain was visibly unbearable, she’d clasp bent fingers together and give thanks for another day. I wanted that kind of special relationship with who she called the Holy One of heaven and earth. “If you let Him, God will lead and guide you through life’s journeys,” she promised.  She lived to see me choose Him for myself, and offer the same gift of choice to my children.

Stay tuned for parts 2 and 3 of my grandmother’s lasting legacy.

Be blessed,

CED

Photo credit: Cherry Blossom Festival. Washington, DC. 2014. Used with permission. 

Overcoming Thoughts of Defeat

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28 New International Version (NIV)

Through the years this verse has given me comfort and strength. It’s a reminder to hold on tight to my faith during personal trials, and to keep going after crashing and burning professionally. During the darkest periods of my life it would bubble up and out of my spirit, and I’d pray until I felt steady again. Does that make sense?

There was a period as a young adult when I stopped going to church, and foolishly told myself it was because for the first time no one was forcing me!  As the deacon’s grandkid, I was raised in the Baptist church. Sunday school, midweek service, baptisms, communion…you name it! So when I moved out on my own and had the choice to please myself or continue following God let’s just say I did not choose God, and my new “all about me” persona had the uncanny ability to say the wrong things, hurt feelings and cause offense. It bled into all areas of my life and drove my friends and family crazy!

The decision to return to God and never look back occurred in a new church I  attended sporadically.  A visiting pastor called up parishioners toward the end of service. I watched him from the back of the sanctuary as he began to pray and speak words of encouragement. Thinking back on that day, I remember feeling so defeated. The pastor gently called me up and began to pray with me, and said close to my ear:

“Don’t be discouraged daughter. God will bless you with another child.”

I lost my collective mind. Who said I wanted another child? We already had four: a baby, a toddler, one in kindergarten and the oldest in second grade! We were so broke, and lived paycheck to paycheck. Money problems started arguments which had our marriage resembling the movie Fight Club. What was this man talking about? As I looked at him I began to cry, no correction, I started wailing. AT THE ALTAR. God was so unfair and this pastor was crazy. I hid that word in my heart, because I couldn’t mentally or spiritually comprehend it at the time.

My out of character response that Sunday deeply affected the regular pastor too, because he and his wife began to spend more time with our family. They prayed with us and checked on us more often. Women in church reached out and I made new friends. My family started attending regularly and eventually I joined the choir. With time and through faith my defeated thinking became clearer and more focused! Many of my family relationships and friendships were restored, and professional success followed self-discipline and mentorship. But the biggest surprise of all? Ten years after the pastor’s prayer I delivered a bouncing, baby girl!

Today I KNOW I am a blessed woman of God. Despite too many medical procedures, an adamant doctor who repeatedly told me I was infertile, and a third who would perform emergency surgery to rule out cancer, our daughter arrived healthy and right on time.  She is my gift, a masterful centerpiece in a jeweled crown God sent from heaven. When I held her for the first time God firmly placed in my spirit that “this is the fulfillment of my promise. NOTHING can EVER separate you from My love!”

38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:31-39 (NIV)

Love and blessings,

CED

Photo credit: http://www.Pixabay.com. Free for commercial use.

Saturday Scripture – Redeemed

Israel’s Only Savior

1 But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

Isaiah 43:1-2 ESV

Prayer for Today

How excellent You are Heavenly Father! Thank You for creating, redeeming and calling us by name. In the many seasons of life, and in all the unspeakable situations we find ourselves in…You are there.

Today I lift up my Exceptional Life friends and ask that You fill them with wisdom, understanding, and great comfort in knowing that as Your redeemed they were bought at a great price! As we commit to learning more of Your ways, I stand in agreement to whatever changes needed: spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Lord bless us richly as we seek to live out lives that are pleasing to You. To God the Father be all glory and honor and praise. Amen.

Blessings, CED

Photo credit: https://www.quotesgram.com

Video credit: Redeemed by the Skit Guys.  I have no copyrights to the song and/or video directly above.

I WILL FOLLOW YOU FORWARD

Helloooo Friends,

I’ve missed you something fierce, but took much-needed time away to rest and recharge with my beloved husband and precious babies.

We even managed to spend some time in our hometown and visit with friends and family. One afternoon we drove through the city and my husband asked out of the blue, “would you like to see Ivy City?” TOUCHY. This was my childhood neighborhood, and Mr. Excitement seemed truly ready to take me back there to travel down memory lane with me and our youngest daughter. Time to slam on the figurative brakes! No need for us to revisit the past Sir. It’s best summed up by:

V__15F8
The 70’s and 80’s

While living in the infamous Ivy City, my growing up years spiraled into a long nightmare outside of church and school. Let’s talk seasons. The spring rains flooded the two main roads of the neighborhood with storm water, the summer heat plagued us with horrible rat infestations from inconsistent trash pickup, and winter brought everything to a standstill! There was no snow removal, and no emergency city services…the roads cleared when the sun melted the snow. We simply did without the basics.

My Mom and Grandmother held many conversations with other elders about the community’s heartbreaking statistics: DC’s highest birth rate at 49.4 per 1000 women, the most households led by a single mother, and the poorest residents (those earning less than $5,000). Things only worsened as I entered high school. Washington, DC was named the murder capital of the United States, and with skyrocketing unemployment and high school drop out rates, Ivy City held one of the highest crime rates in the city. The National Guard was called in to assist, and began using horrible industrial arc lamps to illuminate our streets and alleys at night to discourage drug dealing. IT DID NOT WORK. What it did was make sleep next to impossible for those living in the community. I began drinking coffee just to stay alert in school.

Through prayer, sacrifice and a tremendous amount of hard work I finished high school, and went to college. With God’s favor I’ve traveled the world teaching sanitation and public health principles to others living in similar conditions I grew up in. It’s with gratitude those dark times are behind me, and thankfulness God freed me from the fear and pain of my past so that I’m able to freely share His good news from my heart. Until that car ride I have not had a single desire to return home. NOT ONE. In my spirit there has only been an intense urge to continue forward and spread the love of Christ. When I reflect on what little value man assigned my community or its people, and how statistically my future was forecasted towards loneliness, poverty, and death,  I’m reminded of the chorus of a song that ministers to me by Israel Houghton and remind myself:

But…The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 NIV

Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos directly above

Be Blessed today,

CED

 

The Dailey Dose – Adoption

Wordpress Adoption picture
Photo credit: http://www.turnbacktogod.com

2016 is almost here! In the midst of all the cooking, shopping and celebrating I like to do two things: plan for the future and reflect on the past. It seems as if I’ve spent most of this year in reflection. So far we’ve shared stories about a loved one passed on and her wonderful legacy Grandma Personified in Cambodia, a small peek into my childhood The Daughter’s Song, and the “why” when it comes to being brave in this new blogging world Finding Your Why.

Bringing us full circle to this week’s topic: adoption. Until recently only those closest to me knew I was adopted as a young child. Early memories of my parents were disturbing, and I’m staying politically correct here. My Dad would show up sporadically then disappear for long stretches of time, which either depressed or infuriated my Mom to no end! One of the saddest memories I have as a kid is of me at the babysitters daydreaming about my Dad, and suddenly a man with an afro wearing an Army camouflage coat turns the corner. I cried as I ran and hugged his legs, saying  “Daddy,” but he was not my father. The sitter grabbed me and apologized to the stunned man as he hurried down the street, and I stood there shocked, confused, and just heartbroken.

Eventually my Mom married the man who would become my “new Dad” as they explained it. “Forget your old Dad” I was instructed along with promises of a fresh start. Siblings arrived between periods of happiness and dysfunction, and three years after the adoption ink dried new Dad left. This time I was neither naïve nor confused, but a pissed-off-with-a-capital-P teenager. Abandoned again, and I blamed everyone from myself, my parents to God. Bitterness and anger took deep root in my heart, and would snap to the surface like a whip whenever I allowed thoughts of the dear old Dads to surface.

Enter my husband! We’d been friends and classmates since our teen years, but even he knew very little about my childhood. I didn’t share, and bless his soul, he was too polite to dig. The traits of our early friendship: loyalty, commitment and kindness became the bedrock of our marriage, but even his love couldn’t erase the issues of those early years. Our children arrived, along with the chaos of parenthood, and the cracks in me were temporarily filled by the constant neediness of little people and our busy home. Now I’m the mother of adult children, who have their own feelings and childhood perspective. How ironic!

This spring I sat in church thinking about my children leaving the nest, and our Pastor started talking about the beauty of forgiveness. The point of the message was that forgiveness starts with the one offended, and not the person who creates the offense. At the end of the service we were asked to write the names of those we needed to forgive on a piece of black paper (no peeping eyes), and to place the folded paper at the foot of a cross at the altar. I wrote and prayed that God would heal my heart, and allow me to forgive those who hurt me in any way as a child. There’s really no way to describe the lifting in my spirit since that spring morning, and all the many, wonderful changes my family’s experienced since that heartfelt prayer ascended to the heavens. There’s true peace now as I continue to work on my relationships with my Dads, and great comfort knowing my heavenly Father not only loves me but unconditionally accepts me as I am: cracks and all.

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. Ephesians 1:5 NLT

Blessings,

CED