2016 is almost here! In the midst of all the cooking, shopping and celebrating I like to do two things: plan for the future and reflect on the past. It seems as if I’ve spent most of this year in reflection. So far we’ve shared stories about a loved one passed on and her wonderful legacy Grandma Personified in Cambodia, a small peek into my childhood The Daughter’s Song, and the “why” when it comes to being brave in this new blogging world Finding Your Why.
Bringing us full circle to this week’s topic: adoption. Until recently only those closest to me knew I was adopted as a young child. Early memories of my parents were disturbing, and I’m staying politically correct here. My Dad would show up sporadically then disappear for long stretches of time, which either depressed or infuriated my Mom to no end! One of the saddest memories I have as a kid is of me at the babysitters daydreaming about my Dad, and suddenly a man with an afro wearing an Army camouflage coat turns the corner. I cried as I ran and hugged his legs, saying “Daddy,” but he was not my father. The sitter grabbed me and apologized to the stunned man as he hurried down the street, and I stood there shocked, confused, and just heartbroken.
Eventually my Mom married the man who would become my “new Dad” as they explained it. “Forget your old Dad” I was instructed along with promises of a fresh start. Siblings arrived between periods of happiness and dysfunction, and three years after the adoption ink dried new Dad left. This time I was neither naïve nor confused, but a pissed-off-with-a-capital-P teenager. Abandoned again, and I blamed everyone from myself, my parents to God. Bitterness and anger took deep root in my heart, and would snap to the surface like a whip whenever I allowed thoughts of the dear old Dads to surface.
Enter my husband! We’d been friends and classmates since our teen years, but even he knew very little about my childhood. I didn’t share, and bless his soul, he was too polite to dig. The traits of our early friendship: loyalty, commitment and kindness became the bedrock of our marriage, but even his love couldn’t erase the issues of those early years. Our children arrived, along with the chaos of parenthood, and the cracks in me were temporarily filled by the constant neediness of little people and our busy home. Now I’m the mother of adult children, who have their own feelings and childhood perspective. How ironic!
This spring I sat in church thinking about my children leaving the nest, and our Pastor started talking about the beauty of forgiveness. The point of the message was that forgiveness starts with the one offended, and not the person who creates the offense. At the end of the service we were asked to write the names of those we needed to forgive on a piece of black paper (no peeping eyes), and to place the folded paper at the foot of a cross at the altar. I wrote and prayed that God would heal my heart, and allow me to forgive those who hurt me in any way as a child. There’s really no way to describe the lifting in my spirit since that spring morning, and all the many, wonderful changes my family’s experienced since that heartfelt prayer ascended to the heavens. There’s true peace now as I continue to work on my relationships with my Dads, and great comfort knowing my heavenly Father not only loves me but unconditionally accepts me as I am: cracks and all.
God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. Ephesians 1:5 NLT
Blessings,
CED
The Exceptional Life 
I am so glad that you have began your journey freeing yourself from the bondage of the pain left by me and all of those who have tresspassed against you. I have just begun my journey and it is liberating. I am the chief of the cracked pots. Chelley brought that to my attention years ago but I didn’t have the courage to tears off the years of duct tape to allow the healing balm of forgiveness to take place. I can finally enjoy my present, look forward to the future and leave the past in the past. ~ Love, Marmy
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Dearest Marmy,
Becoming a Mom has shown me how precious motherhood is! Someone I held in high esteem once made a disrespectful remark about me, and blamed it on my upbringing (and in particular my Mother). I responded, and still do to this day that “I come from generations of amazing women!” In life and its variety of tests and lessons we’ve both learned to rely on God through our imperfections…For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. Heb 10:14.
All my love,
#1
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Lovely post Crystal!
I agree. There is true peace in finding ways to come to terms with ones past and great comfort in being able to feel gratitude for what´s here and now,
All the best/Tessber
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Thank you for your kind words Tessber! Have a lovely day.
Blessings,
Crystal
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For the past several years I started each day humbly thanking God for the gift of another opportunity to live according to his Word, and for the wisdom and strength to use the day wisely. I also prayed that the daughters I left behind were alive, healthy, and had peace in their lives.
This has been a truly amazing year. I found out all of that and more. My daughters also have God’s love and joy in their hearts, married great men that are in it for the long haul, and are better parents than I could have ever dreamed of being.
I knew we would reconnect one day, either on earth or in Heaven. I too carried a lot of hurt and anger and wallowed in it frequently. It wasn’t until I was able to replace hurt and anger in my heart with forgiveness, joy, and love until I felt the time was near and I could be a positive part of your lives. I used to spend to much time living in the pain of the past. I still keep the past in mind to draw on lessons learned, but more so I now look forward to thr future, and this second chance to be the father that you deserve.
I am in awe of your life’s journey and the person you have been molded into. You are truly inspiring.
All my Love,
Dad
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Dad, where to start? It’s been such a great year for us!
What an unexpected, but wonderful time of healing and reconnection. 2015 has become the year that’s reinforced in me that nothing is too big (or too insignificantly small) for our God. Whether hurting or confident, we have both learned the source of our strength and to be content, because we…can do all things through Him who strengthen…us Philippians 4:12.
Thank you for stepping out in faith and taking this journey, and welcome to the messiness, chaos, and lots of love that come with Family!
Love,
Crys
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It took me many years on this earth to get what Jesus said about forgiveness. Most people do the terrible things they do simply because they really don’t know any better or have poor impulse control, etc. Most of the bad things that happen are not done with malicious intent, not that it makes it any easier for some of us. God bless!
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Great testimony of forgiveness! My childhood wasn’t all that great either, God gave me this verse to tell me how much He cares about me; Psalm 27:10, “For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me up.” He will never leave you!
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