And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 New International Version (NIV)
Through the years this verse has given me comfort and strength. It’s a reminder to hold on tight to my faith during personal trials, and to keep going after crashing and burning professionally. During the darkest periods of my life it would bubble up and out of my spirit, and I’d pray until I felt steady again. Does that make sense?
There was a period as a young adult when I stopped going to church, and foolishly told myself it was because for the first time no one was forcing me! As the deacon’s grandkid, I was raised in the Baptist church. Sunday school, midweek service, baptisms, communion…you name it! So when I moved out on my own and had the choice to please myself or continue following God let’s just say I did not choose God, and my new “all about me” persona had the uncanny ability to say the wrong things, hurt feelings and cause offense. It bled into all areas of my life and drove my friends and family crazy!
The decision to return to God and never look back occurred in a new church I attended sporadically. A visiting pastor called up parishioners toward the end of service. I watched him from the back of the sanctuary as he began to pray and speak words of encouragement. Thinking back on that day, I remember feeling so defeated. The pastor gently called me up and began to pray with me, and said close to my ear:
“Don’t be discouraged daughter. God will bless you with another child.”
I lost my collective mind. Who said I wanted another child? We already had four: a baby, a toddler, one in kindergarten and the oldest in second grade! We were so broke, and lived paycheck to paycheck. Money problems started arguments which had our marriage resembling the movie Fight Club. What was this man talking about? As I looked at him I began to cry, no correction, I started wailing. AT THE ALTAR. God was so unfair and this pastor was crazy. I hid that word in my heart, because I couldn’t mentally or spiritually comprehend it at the time.
My out of character response that Sunday deeply affected the regular pastor too, because he and his wife began to spend more time with our family. They prayed with us and checked on us more often. Women in church reached out and I made new friends. My family started attending regularly and eventually I joined the choir. With time and through faith my defeated thinking became clearer and more focused! Many of my family relationships and friendships were restored, and professional success followed self-discipline and mentorship. But the biggest surprise of all? Ten years after the pastor’s prayer I delivered a bouncing, baby girl!
Today I KNOW I am a blessed woman of God. Despite too many medical procedures, an adamant doctor who repeatedly told me I was infertile, and a third who would perform emergency surgery to rule out cancer, our daughter arrived healthy and right on time. She is my gift, a masterful centerpiece in a jeweled crown God sent from heaven. When I held her for the first time God firmly placed in my spirit that “this is the fulfillment of my promise. NOTHING can EVER separate you from My love!”
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:31-39 (NIV)
Love and blessings,
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3 thoughts on “Overcoming Thoughts of Defeat”
Thank you so much for this post!
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You’re welcome Sonja!
That was so beautifully written and inspiring. Thanks for sharing Big Crysa! I love you!
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